The Republic of Cards Guild is a massive, orderly nation, renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, enslaved workforce, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 3.545 billion Cards Guildians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business government is primarily concerned with Industry, with Administration, Defense, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 47.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Cards Guildian economy, worth 858 trillion Monies a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Gambling, and Arms Manufacturing. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 242,203 Monies, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,173,382 per year while the poor average 3,435, a ratio of 632 to 1.

Children who can't memorize their multiplication tables are sent to the mines, the navy is chrome-plating its battleships to prevent rust, the nation faces constant invasions by foreign boy bands, and soldiers' positions are given away by the glint of their bayonets. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Cards Guild's national animal is the Python, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Cards Guild is ranked 283,213^th in the world and 187^th in Poetry for Safest, scoring 4.39 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.